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\title{First Days: August, and: Advice from the Predecessor’s Wife, and: The Explosive Expert’s Wife, and: Test}
\date{Fall 2011}
\author{Shara Lessley}
\subtitle{}






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“In 2009, my husband and I shared with friends and colleagues news of our then pending move to the Middle East. Given the region’s political climate and its representation in Western media outlets, our announcement was met with both apprehension and excitement: What would it mean to reside in a constitutional monarchy? How would I fare without speaking Arabic? As expatriates living in Jordan, would we be safe?


“Now over a year into our stay in Amman, I continue to confront myths about the Middle East—as well as its realities—on a daily basis. \emph{The Explosive Expert’s Wife}, the manuscript-in-progress from which these poems are taken, aims to not only examine and dispel the darker fears and prejudices associated with the region (Advice from the Predecessor’s Wife’) but also to celebrate the beauty and mystery of a place where spring brings black irises and ‘even the olive trees breathe\Slash{}green.’ The counterparts to such expat poems are those featuring stateside explosive ranges (‘Test’), government labs and American terrorists like Eric Rudolph and the Unabomber.”


Shara Lessley is a former Stegner Fellow. Her awards include an Artist Fellowship from the State of North Carolina, the Diane Middlebrook Poetry Fellowship from the Wisconsin Institute for Creative Writing, an Olive B. O’Connor Fellowship, the Tickner Fellowship and a “Discovery”\Slash{}\emph{The Nation} prize. Shara’s poems have appeared in \emph{Ploughshares}, the \emph{Kenyon Review,} the \emph{Southern Review,} the \emph{Cincinnati Review} and \emph{Alaska}


\emph{Quarterly Review,} among others. Her collection \emph{Two Headed Nightingale} is forthcoming from New Issues Press in 2012.



\bigskip

\section{\emph{First Days: August}}


Black irises are vanishing like the wild
\forcelinebreak lions of Iraq that trampled the reeds
\forcelinebreak to drink among the narrow-waisted


grasses. Black irises are disappearing;
\forcelinebreak across Karak the desert larks have fled.
\forcelinebreak Not even the olive trees breathe


green, and dust thirsts for the wall-
\forcelinebreak walkers’ spit. Day by day, the forecast
\forcelinebreak bends our foreheads to the ground:


like firelight on a woman’s half-turned
\forcelinebreak face, the sun bears down
\forcelinebreak and down. All the city’s blown


a fuse—or so it seems. My mother calls
\forcelinebreak again, worried by what she’s seen
\forcelinebreak on the nightly news: drought and more


drought, tensions rippling across
\forcelinebreak the Middle East. A month or two
\forcelinebreak elapses, more the same: salt


gathering in the damp black sleeves
\forcelinebreak of women harvesting fields of salt;
\forcelinebreak sand clinging to bits of sand


on sand-colored buildings, coating roofs
\forcelinebreak the color of chewed bread. Nights
\forcelinebreak stalled at the screen, I strain


to hear the call to prayer—
\forcelinebreak what is it Amman’s abandoned
\forcelinebreak streets are trying to say? The skyline’s coal.


The sun’s half coming up. How quickly
\forcelinebreak it licks each shadow—fence’s crest,
\forcelinebreak branches of grapes, the patio chair,


even me—into place. The \emph{adhan}
\forcelinebreak begins again. The temperature’s
\forcelinebreak rising, my throat’s too dry to speak.



\bigskip

\section{\emph{Advice from the Predecessor’s Wife}}


\emph{Amman, Jordan}


Learn Arabic—your husband won’t have time.
\forcelinebreak At \emph{Carrefour Express}, aisle one is the tax-free line.
\forcelinebreak For poultry, go to Sweifieh (the Palestinian
\forcelinebreak chicken man’s shop); pig, on the other hand,
\forcelinebreak is impossible to find (frozen pork sometimes
\forcelinebreak turns up at the co-op). \emph{Basha} \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_'s
\forcelinebreak wife is pregnant with twins; expect to host
\forcelinebreak a spa date or two for his mistress. Never make
\forcelinebreak eye contact with local men. Read \emph{Married}
\forcelinebreak \emph{to a Bedouin}, the \emph{Expert Expat’s Guide}. (Skip
\forcelinebreak Queen Noor’s book—she’s from the Midwest.)
\forcelinebreak During Ramadan \emph{Crumbs}’ breakfast is the best;
\forcelinebreak everything else is closed. Never ride
\forcelinebreak in the front of a taxi with an Arab. If you’re
\forcelinebreak near the Embassy, avoid hailing a cab (security says
\forcelinebreak we’re sitting ducks). Help in Amman
\forcelinebreak runs cheap: hire a driver, a maid, a cook.
\forcelinebreak \emph{Mansef} is made with lamb or goat, and stewed
\forcelinebreak in a hearty \emph{jameed}. When dining with royalty,
\forcelinebreak keep conversation neutral. At private parties
\forcelinebreak be prepared to be the only woman in the room,
\forcelinebreak save the staff. Look the part, but don’t
\forcelinebreak show cleavage. Lipstick is fine. Laugh hard
\forcelinebreak (but not too hard) at Colonel \_\_\_\_\_\_'s
\forcelinebreak dick jokes. Know how to properly cut and light
\forcelinebreak a cigar. When talk turns to politics, smile
\forcelinebreak and nod, then say something obscure
\forcelinebreak in Arabic—your husband will give you the cue
\forcelinebreak (the Jords will think it cute). Never ask
\forcelinebreak a woman how long her hair is
\forcelinebreak under the \emph{hijab}. Don’t call anyone
\forcelinebreak but your husband \emph{habibi}. Explore the souks;
\forcelinebreak steer clear of the mosques. All Arabs hate dogs—
\forcelinebreak walk yours after dark; comb your yard
\forcelinebreak for poison and traps. Close your drapes
\forcelinebreak (Western women are common victims
\forcelinebreak of peeping toms). When moving among crowds,
\forcelinebreak expect children and strangers to stop
\forcelinebreak to stroke your hair. Always carry your passport.
\forcelinebreak The number-one reason a man’s relieved
\forcelinebreak from his post? His wife’s unhappy. Avoid this
\forcelinebreak from the get-go—get a hobby! Play tennis,
\forcelinebreak take a class, or find a job. (The field’s leveled
\forcelinebreak for spouses: here, education and experience
\forcelinebreak equal \emph{nada}.) The work week runs Sunday to
\forcelinebreak Thursday; your husband will clock in Saturdays,
\forcelinebreak Fridays, too. Pack at least four ball gowns;
\forcelinebreak stock up on shirts with sleeves. Gunfire means
\forcelinebreak graduation, or congratulations—a wedding’s
\forcelinebreak just taken place. Don’t be disturbed by
\forcelinebreak the armed guards outside your apartment
\forcelinebreak (their assault rifles don’t have bullets,
\forcelinebreak rumor has it). “Little America” runs perpendicular
\forcelinebreak to Ring Six (a.k.a. \emph{Cholesterol Circle})—\emph{Popeyes},
\forcelinebreak \emph{Burger King, Hardee’s—}you’ll find everything
\forcelinebreak you need. \emph{McDonald’s} Playland spans three
\forcelinebreak upstairs levels. Ship a year’s worth of ketchup,
\forcelinebreak mayonnaise. Blonds are often mistaken
\forcelinebreak for hookers; consider dying your hair.
\forcelinebreak By September or October you’ll learn to
\forcelinebreak tune out the call to prayer.



\bigskip

\section{\emph{The Explosive Expert’s Wife}}


He comes home from the range scorched in dirt;
\forcelinebreak home from the office, a stain on his suit.
\forcelinebreak His nails are chewed.
\forcelinebreak He enters the house without saying a word.
\forcelinebreak He’s jet-lagged again. He’s got blast-
\forcelinebreak dust the length of his forearms and hands.
\forcelinebreak Back from Sa’ dah, he’s got sand in the shanks of his boots.
\forcelinebreak He says, \emph{Sorry I’m late}. He’s come home
\forcelinebreak just to pack—a guard’s found C4
\forcelinebreak stashed in a DCA trash can.
\forcelinebreak He needs a haircut and shave. (\emph{It’s been one of those days}.)
\forcelinebreak He says, \emph{Th is won’t show up on the news}.
\forcelinebreak He’s been sorting evidence. He has fresh
\forcelinebreak orders from the president.


He says, \emph{I do this for us}.
\forcelinebreak They’re booby-trapping pizza boxes and books;
\forcelinebreak they’re rigging plastic cars so kids will trip the switch.
\forcelinebreak \emph{They’re something else}, he says.
\forcelinebreak He’s on edge again.
\forcelinebreak He promises to be home by six; he promises not to miss
\forcelinebreak the latest round of tests. He’s holding
\forcelinebreak a daffodil-tulip mix. He shakes his head: \emph{When}
\forcelinebreak \emph{did we run out of limes?}


He claims \emph{it was pilot error}
\forcelinebreak He claims \emph{no one knows}. He asks, \emph{Did I get an urgent message}
\forcelinebreak \emph{from Colonel So-and-So?} Straight from the Pentagon,
\forcelinebreak he makes one drink after the next.
\forcelinebreak He wants to know what’s for supper.
\forcelinebreak He asks if the oil’s been changed.
\forcelinebreak Screw what Fox and CNN say: \emph{It’s perfectly safe}
\forcelinebreak \emph{to travel by train}; screw what happened
\forcelinebreak on the southern coast—
\forcelinebreak the casualty count could’ve been higher.


He’s leaving for Kabul again;
\forcelinebreak this time for sixty-five days.
\forcelinebreak (\emph{It’s better for us than Baghdad with overtime and haz-pay}.)
\forcelinebreak He’ll need shaving cream and toothpaste, fresh undershirts and socks.
\forcelinebreak He’ll need a ride to the drop-off point
\forcelinebreak near the strip mall’s outlet shops. He’s filthy
\forcelinebreak from hosing the tech team’s hazmat suits. He’s going
\forcelinebreak to take a shower. Friday, they’re predicting
\forcelinebreak snow: \emph{Be careful}, he warns, \emph{the roads will all be slick.}
\forcelinebreak He gives thanks—\emph{Th e chicken tastes just right}.
\forcelinebreak The dog jumps on his lap.
\forcelinebreak He strokes my arm, asks, \emph{Later tonight}?
\forcelinebreak Napkin crumpled, he pushes back his plate—
\forcelinebreak \emph{Now tell me everything,} he says,
\forcelinebreak \emph{about your day today}.



\bigskip

\section{\emph{Test}}


I know the secret hemispheres of
\forcelinebreak snow, the turns you take on the road


to the explosives range in the dark.
\forcelinebreak Miles from our yard morning breaks;


you’re prepping the day’s fourth shot.
\forcelinebreak Ice melts from the hollowed chestnut,


white in my mouth, white its thorn
\forcelinebreak of frost. Stained gray with powder,


you crimp a blasting cap, jam it
\forcelinebreak inside the Claymore mine. The snow


pack collapses: 700 steel ball bearings
\forcelinebreak shattered across the turf. A hawk


sputters overhead, noisy-winged
\forcelinebreak machine patrolling the smoke


stripped thickets. Half after three
\forcelinebreak the sky goes gray. Chill in the air


up my back as the shovel uncovers
\forcelinebreak a vole frozen on our lawn’s south edge,


its eyes locked in shock, as if caught
\forcelinebreak in your blast’s last path. I don’t know


where the dead go, only that
\forcelinebreak you promise to make it home


by supper, the hem of your pants
\forcelinebreak singed with ash. Down on your knees


surveying the ground—asphalt four feet
\forcelinebreak deep blasted into parts—you note where


damage takes its greatest toll. In another field,
\forcelinebreak I dig a cold, damp hole. Ice snuffs


the maples, my agitated heart.









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Shara Lessley

First Days: August, and: Advice from the Predecessor’s Wife, and: The Explosive Expert’s Wife, and: Test



Fall 2011


\bigskip


The Missouri Review, Volume 34, Number 3, Fall 2011, p. 55. <\href{https://doi.org/10.1353/mis.2011.0063}{https:\Slash{}\Slash{}doi.org\Slash{}10.1353\Slash{}mis.2011.0063}>
   

       

       

       

       

       
         University of Missouri
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